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It's Over
Written by Donkeys   
Nov 13, 2007 at 12:43 AM

The season ending finale was held and the closing positions were.

1st Bullies (As they is Bullies)

2nd Donkeys (As they is Donkeys)

3rd Targetmen (Should be looking for a new team name really)

Crowd attendance was superb as usual with a throng of screaming fans filling the venue. Shouting out each time the Targets were just about to throw a dart. Anyway, that's all old news and we must look to the future.

All the talk is the resumption of professional small league darts in Ogikubo which we hope to bring you in the new year.

Reporting on the new season will enter us into an era of more professional jurnalisem with the addition of, drug scandels, WAGs news, mid-season trasfers, and other such stuff I can make up whilst typing this nonsense.

The new season will start with players shirts, team logos on darts flights and ad nauseum expansions to the rules. Rumours are begining to circulate that the Donkeys may have secured the sponsorship of a major Beer manufacturer. So watch this space!

The off season will be spent in court as the Targets and Donkeys push for a ruling on the amount of practice sessions the Bullies had last season. Strict rules against practice or training mean we might see the Bullies start the new season with any number of penalties.

The most likely is a points deduction at the start of the season or imposing the 2 dart rule for a number of games per match. Less likely is a ruling forcing them to play in drag but we'll need to wait and see.

 

Season in review
Written by Donkeys   
Oct 18, 2007 at 02:03 AM

Sadly, this writer is unable to recall with clarity much of what has occured this part season so a recap would be a challenge.

However, with only 2 weeks remaining in this inogrial season of Ogikubo Little-Pricks darts so much remains to be decided.

Who will get the "Prickenhiem Trophy" as the team with the most points in match play.

Who will lift the "Pishenhiem Cup" for the team that's consumed the most alcohol in competition. Although I hear the engraver has already started work on getting the Donkeys logo etched on there.

Who will  go home with the "Littlest Prick" award for the team with the worst performance. Dont' worry team ******'s, size isn't everything.

 

Plans are well underway for the end of season Pro-Am event with only the date, venue and match format still to be decided.

 

 

League Table
Written by Donkeys   
Aug 16, 2007 at 01:28 AM

 

TeamPlayedPoints
Bullies725
Targetmen721.5
Donkeys721
End of season one.....October 31st 2007

It's getting close at the top!

Last Updated ( Oct 12, 2007 at 12:52 AM )
More unsavioury behaviour
Written by Donkeys   
Oct 16, 2007 at 02:41 AM

This time it was the Target's and Bullies turn to prove that like fine wine English men do NOT travel well.

What should have been some pleasant post match drinks descended into what one witness described as "just a couple of foreigners being all foreign and such. I wasn't paying much notice to be honest."

Anyway, as that witness was useless I'll make some of this up. The "Bullie's" spuring the advances of the female waitress in the NEW "Engleesh Tavern" brought the young woman to tears. Further investigation into the incident reveal that the "Target's" had more than a small part in this. We can expect some "barbarians abroad" style coverage from the local media.

There is now an independant investigation underway by the OBESE (Ogikubo Bars Eateries Snacks and Este's association.) It's become apparent that the league's behaviour off the board(See what I did there?)  is at such a level they may be required to play all future matches behind closed doors in Roppongi as things are a bit more "foreign" there. Faced with the prospect of more nights in Roppongi the Donkey's throw coach had this to say."we're going to roppongi, we're going to roppongi, ta-la-la-la" he then fell over.

In unrelated news we expect "sanctions" against the Donkey's for seeming random use of "quotation" marks. As random as some of the "Target's" throws under pressue.

Some well deserved humour
Oct 16, 2007 at 10:33 PM

Well we're off to the World Cup finals this coming Saturday as defending champs.  Who knows how long it will last as our opponents have already crushed us once in the competition.  Still, we're in the final and unless your a Springbok, you aren't!  So nya nya nya!!! Tongue out

 

"Police today found the body of a man floating in the Thames wearing an Australian rugby jersey, suspenders and stockings, bright red lipstick with mascara, a blow up doll on the end of his todger and a dildo stuck up his ar5e. Police safely and quickly removed the jersey to spare his family any embarrassment "

 

RWC update:
England meet France in the first semifinal
South Africa meet Argentina in the other semifinal
and
Australia meet New Zealand at the Airport.  Laughing

What’s the difference between an all black and an arsonist??? An arsonist wouldn’t waste five matches

Graham Henry found dead in hotel room, 4.5 million suspects

What’s the difference between Viagra and Graeme Henry? Viagra will give you a semi

Why do the All Blacks always have two to a hotel room when they’re on tour? So one can perform the Heimlich Maneuver when the other one chokes

Heard about the All Blacks new bra? All support but no cup.

Little Bruce was in his junior school class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up:
Fireman, policeman, salesman, politician, etc.

However, little Bruce was being uncharacteristically quiet, and so the teacher asked him about his father. Reluctantly he replied, “My Dad’s an exotic dancer in a gay club, and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out with a man, rent a cheap room and let him shag him.”

The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring and then took Little Bruce aside to ask him, “Is that really true about your father?”

“No,” said Bruce, “My father plays rugby for Australia; I was just too embarrassed to say.”

Last Updated ( Oct 16, 2007 at 10:36 PM )
Donkeys involved in post match incident
Written by Donkeys   
Oct 11, 2007 at 10:37 PM

As the season draws to a close the pressure is affecting some teams adversely.

In a post match event the Donkeys star player lashed out at an opposing team member and this resulted in the Targetmen getting doused in Guiness.  Whether sanctions will be levied against the Donkeys for this loutish behaviour remains to be seen.

"I was just reaching over to point out something and the pint went flying" said the Donkeys player/manager. Although the Targets were surprising "chilled" about the whole affair, with no sign of an apology forthcoming we can expect "frosty" relations for the remaining games of the season and we will monitor the situation closely to see if this behaviour "spills" over into actual matches.

"We're still hopeful for getting covered in Champagne when we lift the trophy" was the overly optimistic comment from the Target's top scorer. But we can only assume they're monitoring the league table about as closely as they monitor  bar surroundings for flying pints of guiness.

Last Updated ( Oct 12, 2007 at 01:05 AM )
Donkeys act like an Ass
Written by Donkeys   
Oct 01, 2007 at 02:44 AM

It is with great sadness and shock we need to report an unsavoury event at a local Ogikubo drinking establishment.

At around 4:30am on Saturday morning two of the league teams were enjoying a post match analysis when member of the Donkey's team was asked to remove their hoof from a unused barstool. The upstanding league member (fnarr fnarr) duly obliged. In fairness only the clean side of his trainer was touching the stool. not the dirty sole part.

In an act of support and definace the other team then placed the back of their outstretched leg on another unused bar stool. So just the back of his calf was touching the seat of teh unused stool

They were quickly requested to remove the offending acrticle as this was "Japan" and it was causing "meiwaku" to the other patrons.

As I've personally on multiple occasions had to share this bar with actual live cockroaches and as daylight approached I'm not sure which other patrons we were expected to make room for. On a side note, for at least the last hour, a female patron had been constantly restrained by a waiter rather then being flung out on her drunken behnind.

Sadly at this juncture a red mist fell upon the Donkey player/manager/owner and he let go with an passionate appeal on the huge injustice being thrust upon the little pricks(Does that sound rude?). In other words he blew his top and went on for 3 minutes in broken Japanese until it looked like the waitress was about to cry. Big man indeed.

The Donkeys now realise what a Ass they were being and will enter a self imposed exile of all the bars in this chain lest more "meiwaku" be caused.  

After confirming with bar management we have firm assurances that Cockroaches are not being placed above foreign customers. "We welcome both groups equally" was the comment for Mr Ishihara Tencho.

Targets get 8 points!
Aug 29, 2007 at 08:48 AM

Targetman gets 8 points for his team and "technically" takes the lead while other results coming from last 2 match days.

 Night results  Targetmen 8 pts, Bullies 0, Donkeys 0.

Hope is still in that the targetmen can be coaxed into a double or nothing game.....

Late addition  Although the Targetmen were not to be bullied into a double or nothing match, the Donkeys did manage to slip in another points game while the other teams were looking for any sign of women in the latest bar - it was a futile search!  Donkeys managed to secure 1 additional point, because he has recollection and after all it was his 40th birthday.  Congrats to the Donkeys....you're still LAST!!

Last Updated ( Aug 30, 2007 at 11:47 PM )
Donkey's hit all time low
Aug 29, 2007 at 08:20 AM

Well we all knew that the hot air from the donkeys would finally play their part in the master plan.  Donkeys star Steve "call me rollie" delaney managed to grab a win out of the jaws of death by putting the hope of fresh air out of reach of the que ball!  Yes indeedy, hot air alonee is what stood between the plinth of victory and the jaws of death.  Sadly the donkeys seem to have an inexhaustible supply of hot air!

Contrary to donkey's belief, the bar hotties had nothing to do with the outcome ;-P

 

Sporting World in shock
Aug 29, 2007 at 07:42 AM

Donkey's take first game, followed by an amazing lucky stroke (finar finar) by the targetmen to take the second game.  Bullies are really suffering from the lack of "My Darts" tonight!

 Donkeys in true "It's a knockout " style throws pool into the mix for double points.  The board will truely be wanting to review the rules after tonight!!